How I got Ricky Gervais to believe in a Christmas miracle

We are working on a new Christmas poem for this year. So as we build up to the big day we are going to re release our previous festive poems before finishing with a new one on Christmas Eve.....So this week enjoy.....


The Newftivity.


Twas the night before Christmas but you've heard that before

Though this is a story not too familiar I'm sure

It's explaining a journey to follow a star

But instead of a donkey we went in the car


It all started one night while dad was on twitter

The celebs weren't responding, with dad getting bitter

We all know what he's like he's a little bit loopy

And if the truths known he's a celebrity groupie


So it's Christmas Eve and dad is still trying

But his tweets like his jokes are choking and dying

Then all of a sudden, he screams really loud

And stares at the screen looking really quite proud


Ricky Gervais has replied says me dad

I didn't know who he meant but he seems really glad

He's somebody dad always wanted to meet

I can tell he's excited he's out of his seat


Dad said that he was touring and not far away

The Midlands was beckoning, he was going today

Mum said it's almost Christmas don't go there alone

Take Monty and Cookie and don't forget your phone


So, we left on a dark frosty evening from Wigwam

And followed a star to a town called Birmingham

You are probably thinking it's a story that's old

But stay with me cos this one has never been told


As we travelled through the night it began to snow

It got heavier and heavier with the journey now slow

If we were going to make it we would need lots of luck

But looking at the road conditions more likely we'll get stuck


Eventually at midnight dad could drive no more

We'd skidded off the road we were stranded for sure

Another road trip had turned into a joke

Instead of meeting Ricky we'd spend the night in Stoke


Dad said that if we stay there he'll find us all a room

We settled in the dry and warm dad said he'd be back soon

When he came back later he said he'd looked and looked

But all the hotels in the town were already fully booked


Eventually he'd found a hooman who felt sorry for our plight

He said he knew a place quite close where we could spend the night

It wasn't an inn or hotel he ran a stationary shop

But it was shelter from the storm and was ok for us to stop


We finally made it to the shop and it was cosy enough

But food could be a problem I could see that being rough

Dad had a look round but all that he could see

Was an old loaf of bread and a pack of Dairylea


Me sister was starving I was pretty peckish too

I knew these few cheese triangles would never really do

In an instant with no warning Cookie quickly ate them all

She had seen dad was distracted, he was giving mum a call


Mum wasn't in, it was only Bailey there

Dad left her a message but it wasn't really clear

The signal was bad and Bailey isn't the sharpest

Passing on the message would be a massive test


Dad said we were fine and what had happened so far

Bunked down in a shop cos he skidded the car

The hotels were full Cookie ate all the cheese

But a kindly store manager had given us his keys


He had all the details and wrote it all down

But when mum read the note back it gave her a frown

She posted it on farcebook and how things can spiral

In a matter of hours dad's message went viral


It read that Me and Cookie had followed a star

But had needed to shelter when dad skidded the car

The inns were all full and the weather might freeze us

We sheltered in a staples and she'd had baby cheeses


The whole world believed that this must be a sign

We had created a miracle wivout even trying

That night we had visits and gifts brought to us

From all round the country they came in by bus


Three shepherds all German tried dead hard to kneel

Then some wise men turned up from the uni at Keele

Even Ricky Gervais turned up out of the blue

He had to see for himself that the story was true


So that is the story of our Christmas Eve

And how we had helped the whole to believe

Mini hoomans will hear as they sit round the tree

The story of cheeses the Newftivity


When I woke in the morning I was back in me bed

I realised it was summat I'd dreamt in me head

I looked over at Cookie and she looked back at me

With a glint in her eye and an unopened Dairylea...........

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