The Conman - Our brand new Christmas poem.

Updated: Feb 18


Everyone knows the heart-warming Christmas movie the Snowman. Well, it wasn't always that way, and believe me that flying ball of snowflakes really is as cold as ice.


This latest poem continues a tradition on our blog and social media pages. We written a 'cwissymouse' special every year that takes a slightly different view of classic festive tales. All of the previous years poems are in our previous blog posts.


Down to the fantastic generosity of Monty's friends and followers we have raised hundreds of pounds for various charities over the past five years. This year we are asking for any donations to go to Bailey who's story is here. https://www.montydogge.com/post/bailey-s-story-our-fundraiser-this-christmas


We realise this is an expensive time of the year for many but if you can spare anything at all it will be very much appreciated.


You can give via the Northern Newfoundland Club homepage http://www.northernnewfoundlandclub.org.uk/ and click donate. Just put for Bailey in the message line. You can also donate at our Paypal montynewf@googlemail.com (family and friends option please) and we will pass it on in your name or anonymously if you prefer.



To all of our friends, followers and supporters I hope you enjoy our 'cwissymouse gift to you and we wish you a very happy Christmas and a peaceful, healthy and happy new year.


Love from Monty, Cookie the spangles and hooman servants



The Conman


Our story this year is a tale of woe

Well also betrayal, but mainly of snow

It begins all quite normal on a calm Christmas eve

But when I tell you this saga, I’m not sure you’ll believe


The mini hoomans had settled for their annual treat

To watch festive films and have goodies to eat

But when the movie began it took me back to a time

A few years ago, and to the scene of the crime


It was just before Christmas and snow fell in the night

It was deep crisp and even by the time it was light

The mini hoomans were excited by the wintry scene

And the schools had stayed closed it was a little one’s dream


There were snowballs to throw and sledges to ride

No chance for a moment that they’d be kept inside

Little pipsqueak and dad built a man made of snow

For hours and hours, they helped him to grow


He had a hat from the wardrobe and a scarf from the rack

And a hooge orange nose with buttons of black

When they had finished, he stood as tall as a man

And looked about as hooman as a snow figure can


As night time descended mum called everyone in

While the snowman stood guard with his pebble dashed grin

We all settled down for our long evening nap

With no second thought given to this ice composed chap.


When morning arrived the snow still lay glistening

Then I heard mum to the spangles…’I hope you are listening,

I won’t have this behaviour just look at the floor’

Then she went for the mop, slamming the door..


The three all looked sheepish but they were clear on one fact

The puddles in the kitchen were no spangle act

So what was this mystery that had caused mum to shout?

If it wasn’t us doglets I would need to find out


It happened overnight we knew that much was clear

How would I find out? Then I had an idea

I would pretend to be sleeping but I’d have one open eye

I quite liked this new job role….Monty the spy


Evening came and usual everyone went to bed

And all sort of thoughts swirled round in my head

What would I see on my night-long stake out?

And would my detective work manage to remove any doubt


Staying awake proved a task for this surveillance newf

Though I had good intentions to find out the truth

By midnight my eyes drooped and I started to snore

When suddenly I woke, there was a noise at the door.


I sprang into action. Ok I slowly sat up

My role was now Monty Dogge chief guarding pup

This intruder would regret coming into my house

I crept quietly forward like a 13 stone mouse


The sight that confronted me made me doubt my own eyes

As I went around the corner it was the biggest surprise

For every possibility I’d worked out a plan

Except that is for meeting a giant snowman


He looked shocked as well to be seeing me there

Then he said very nervously ‘Are you a bear?’

I reassured him I wasn’t but why was he here?

We spoke for a while then it all became clear


He explained he got lonely in the garden all night

So, he liked to explore until it began to get light

He’d been into the house not just one time but twice

Cos he’d found that the freezer was packed full of ice


He explained that for snowmen ice was a favourite snack

And that was the reason that he liked coming back

Well, we became friends and he came back every day

While everyone slept, we would talk, eat and play


I told him my dream to write a great story

That would become a bestseller bringing me fame and glory

I just needed an idea that was clever and funny

Then I’m sure I’d be famous and earn lots of money


Don’t get me wrong it’s not that I’m greedy

Us dogs love to give and I’d help out the needy

I’d spread love and happiness to those with the least

For the homeless and lonely I would put on a feast


The next evening as usual Snowman came round to play

But mum had been grooming us doglets all day

The room was a mess ‘Out of bounds’ was the warning

Until she had time to clean up in the morning


Before I could say ice boy opened the door

And was waltzing around on the grooming room floor

This was going to mean trouble, there was fur everywhere

But he just starting singing ‘I’m walking on the hair’


Suddenly in an instant my whole story was clear

I’d just had the most fantastic original idea

I must write it down there was no time to waste

And in an hour I had finished, such was my haste


At first light the snowman returned to his post

But now evenings were the time I looked forward to most

That night though I waited my friend never came

And though I tried to keep busy it just wasn’t the same


Next morning I looked but the snowman had gone

I thought it was my fault, had I done something wrong?

I searched every day maybe I’d never know

He couldn’t have melted there was still lots of snow


I thought in the end I’d go back to my writing

Because in over a week there had not been one sighting

It would help take my mind off the loss of my friend

And it was close to be finished I just needed an end


As I flicked through the pages though, it didn’t take long

To see that there was a problem, something was wrong

The book was all soggy and the words had all ran

To rescue my masterpiece, I needed a plan


The heater was on so I placed it close by

It didn’t take long for my pages to dry

I had no idea what had caused such a thing

Or the shock and the horror the truth was to bring


Though I sent out my story it just got rejected

Letter after letter in the end I was dejected

I couldn’t understand I thought it was a hit for sure

But the ‘no thank you’ letters streamed through the door


Well it seemed like my writing career had failed

Just when I thought I had this author thing nailed

I forgot all about it and the months just flew past

And before very long we were close to Christmas


The family all gathered for their festive movie

It was a new one this year, what will it be?

When it started I couldn’t believe what I saw

My story was the premier on Channel 4


When I saw who the star was the whole thing became clear

And I can tell you I didn’t feel much Christmas cheer

My snowman friend robbed me and sold my idea

And it would come back to haunt me year after year


A high pitched young hooman was now singing my song

While the snow thief and accomplice flew gently along

In the end when he melted It was special effects

Cos he retired to Greenland on the royalty cheques


Though I was angry it hasn’t spoilt Christmas for me

But I do try and keep away from the festive TV

And despite my experience I still love the snow

I just don’t trust anyone made from frozen H2O




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