The Newftivity – Christmas 2016

Twas the night before Cwissymouse but you've heard that before

Though this is a story unfamiliar I'm sure

It's explaining a journey to follow a star

But instead of a donkey we went in the car

It all started one night while dad was on twitter

The celebs weren't responding, with dad getting bitter

We all know what he's like he's a little bit loopy

And if the truths known he's a celebrity groupie

So it's Cwissymouse Steve and dad is still trying

But his tweets like his jokes are choking and dying

Then all of a sudden, he screams really loud

And stares at the screen looking really quite proud

Ricky Gervais has replied says me dad

I didn't know who he meant but he seems really glad

He's somebody dad always wanted to meet

I can tell he's excited he's out of his seat

Dad said that he was touring and not far away

The Midlands was beckoning, he was going today

Mum said it's Christmas Eve don't go there alone

Take Monty and Cookie and don't forget your phone

So, we left on a dark frosty evening from Wigwam

And followed a star to a town called Birmingham

You are probably thinking it's a story that's old

But stay with me cos this one has never been told

As we travelled through the night it started to snow

It got heavier and heavier the journey now slow

If we were going to make it we’d be needing some luck

But looking at the road it’s more likely we'll get stuck

Eventually at midnight dad could drive no more

We'd skidded off the road, we were stranded for sure

Another road trip had turned into a joke

Instead of meeting Ricky we'd spend the night in Stoke

Dad said that if we stay there he'll find us all a room

We settled in the dry and warm dad said he'd be back soon

When he came back later he said he'd looked and looked

But all the hotels in the town were already fully booked

Eventually he'd found a hooman who felt sorry for our plight

He said he knew a place quite close where we could spend the night

It wasn't a hotel but he was manager of a stationary shop

And it was shelter from the storm and was ok for us to stop

We went to the shop and it was cosy enough

But food could be a problem, the rations looked rough

Dad had a look round but all he could see

Was an old loaf of bread and a pack of Dairylea

The Heffalump was starving I was a bit peckish too

I knew that a pack of cheese triangles just wouldn't do

By the time I turned round Cookie had eaten them all

Dad was distracted cos he was giving mum a call

Mum wasn't in but Bailey was there

Dad left her a message but it wasn't too clear

The signal was bad and he isn't the sharpest

Relaying the message would be a hooge spangle test

Dad said we were fine and what had happened so far

Bunked down in a shop cos he skidded the car

The hotels were full Cookie ate all the cheese

But a kindly store manager had given us his keys

He had all the details and wrote it all down

But when mum read the note back it gave her a frown

She posted it on farcebook and how things can spiral

In a matter of hours dad's message went viral

It read that Me and Cookie had followed a star

But had needed to shelter when dad skidded the car

The inns were all full and the weather might freeze us

We sheltered in a staples and she'd had baby cheeses

The whole world believed that this must be a sign

We had created a miracle wivout even trying

That night we had visits and gifts brought to us

From all round the country they came in by bus

Three shepherds all German tried dead hard to kneel

Then some wise men turned up from the uni at Keele

Even Ricky Gervais turned up out of the blue

He had to see for himself that the story was true

So that is the story of our Cwissymouse eve

And how we helped the whole to believe

Mini hoomans will hear as they sit round the tree

The story of cheeses the newftivity

When I woke in the morning I was back in me bed

Maybe it was just summat I'd dreamt in me head

I looked over at the Heffalump and she looked back at me

With a glint in her eye and an unopened Dairylea...........